The pharmacy phone doesn't work anymore...

Well, even though American Idol has been over for two weeks already, the happy thoughts are still lingering in the back of my mind. And this season has been great because it’s given me perhaps one of my BIGGEST IDOL CRUSHES EVER – ELLIOTT YAMIN! Yes, I was already in love with him even before he turned mega-ultra-hot. Anyhow, to be honest, I’m actually happy that Elliott ended up 3rd, not that I don’t think he deserved to win (he SHOULD’VE won if the show really was about singing talent), but because in my mind, Idol winners fall into 2 categories: either, they fade away and disappear (Ruben Studdard) or, they go all punk-pop-princess on our asses and sing the theme song to all the summer’s latest tween flicks (Kelly Clarkson). And I really don’t see, or, don’t want to see, Elliott singing on the MTV awards stage sometime next year. HAHA…but now that I think about it…I DO want to see Taylor Hicks doing that. I’m trying to imagine the rows of 14 year old girls bopping their heads to his “Taking it to the streets”.

And to me, finishing 3rd is way better than being runner-up. Think about it. When they announce the winner, your exit is TOTALLY overshadowed by the celebration that is going on for the winner. Heck – you don’t even get your own leaving montage. Now, how uncool is that?

Even though I didn’t watch American Idol on TV (with Now Broadband stealing my Star World channel…but that’s a different story altogether), I did still follow it (like a crazy woman) and I know enough to know who I DID NOT like as well. Here’s the breakdown:

CHRIS DAUGHTRY
I bet 98% of the readership is in shock now thinking “huh? WTF? He was so hot and he was so RAWK”. Before top 24 started, I was actually planning to like him too, especially with the whole rocker thing going down. However, when I listened to him sing, not only was I totally unimpressed, Chris just came across as SO pretentious. Rocker my ass! He actually had the audacity to say that KELLY CLARKSON is his favourite female vocalist? Hello “rocker boy” – ever heard of Patti Smith or at least someone even REMOTELY connected to rock? And all this shit people like Simon say like “you are the only contestant who’s not willing to conform”. HA – wake up and smell the coffee. Chris’s whole rocker thing is TOTAL conformity! Little boys and girls LOVE this stuff nowadays! Why else do you think people like Hoobastank and Nickelback are so popular? NOT conforming would be admitting that you didn’t like Barry Manilow after he guest-coached you, or, singing a song like “I believe to my soul” which no one really knows (yes – Elliott did both those things).

Stop throwing the “real rocker” line. Seriously, if Bo and Constantine weren’t in last season, there’d be so much less hype about Chris. Also, ultimately, being a rocker is about being laid back and Chris is just...not that at all. I don’t think I’d be wrong to say that even the riff man Keef himself would rather be drinking a few cans and strumming an acoustic than strutting around in leather pants with an angsty face. And the funniest thing is – Chris REALLY believes he is the rock saviour of this season’s American Idol. He just…tries too hard. And all the folks at home - while Chris was trotting around in his “rocker attire” (black, black and…more black), our Elliott was sitting around in his casual Jimi Hendrix tee. Now THAT’S someone who knows his stuff and doesn’t need to flaunt it. I have no doubt that Chris will make it BIG and I wish him the best but just don't expect to find me """moshing""" to his music any time soon.

When the good sport was eliminated, how did he take it? Haha...a picture really IS worth a thousand words!


KELLIE PICKLER
My hate for Pickler pretty much stems from the fact that, like Chris, she rode on the success of a season 4 finalist – namely, Carrie Underwood. THAT and the CONSTANT referral to her “sob story”. It doesn’t help either that linguistically, I HATE the term “sob story”. Also, am I supposed to believe that she’s really so stupid? She wore that slutty-ass dress to prom and I’m supposed to believe that she’s so naïve and innocent that she doesn’t know what “ballsy” means? Come on, she cites that her hobbies include fishing. Why the hell is she scared of a lobster then? If anything, she should have been the first one to whip out a knife and boil that thing…ranch style.


KATHERINE MCPHEE
Firstly, I’ll admit that I didn’t like her at first because I ALWAYS saw pictures of Elliott with her. But then, that disliking slowly evolved to being about her diva-tude. Did no one see her during the “together we are one” medley where she strolled on stage as if it was the “Katherine Mcphee One Night Only” show? Or when she began dancing during the Elvis Medley? THAT was funny. She TOTALLY thinks she’s the bomb. I really did think that she was cute during her first auditions but then she just got so haughty looking and she took on this “I’m the queen supreme” air.

What makes me hate her more is the fact that she didn’t even try to ACT disappointed when Elliott got booted (ironic because she cites “acting” as one of her “other talents”). Sure – I know you’re excited about making the finals but you have like, a WHOLE WEEK to be excited about it. Can you not just spare 3 minutes to pretend to be sad? Even if it’s just for the cameras? Just so I can feel a little less hatred towards you? Don't believe me? Look below:

And that’s the hate list of American Idol 5. I’m pretty indifferent about the other people, that is, of course, excluding ELLIOTT who is just TOO HOT!

He looked HOT during the finale too. You have no idea how many times I replayed the 5 seconds where he goes “Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Mary J Blige”. Blige of course, found it necessary to totally own the show and so tried so hard to outsing Elliott (and I’m not just saying this because I love Elliott but I thought Elliott kicked her diva-ass). And the end bit where she holds Elliott’s hand up and flails about like crazy? HAHA – that was priceless! Poor Elliott looked so scared that she’s gonna rip his arms out of their sockets and so he tactfully flings out of her grip: Well done Elliott! Thinking about it now, I’d love to see Katherine do a duet with Mary J Blige. It’ll be total diva-whore vs. diva-whore for centre stage. Now I would pay GOOD money to see that!

I bet when Elliott belted out “A house is not a home”, the judges were thinking, “Shit. This is so embarrassing. His performance is better than the performances of the two finalists”. That’s to you America!

And to end things, because I deserve it after the hard work I put into this post:

Dorothy likes what Dorothy sees...